Preparing for a New Year

 Ep. 064 with Julie Craig, Chris Frazier & Daree Blake

In a warm New Year’s Day episode of the Good Grief Believer podcast, hosts Julie Craig, Daree Blake and Chris Frazier get together for a tender conversation about holiday grief, community support, and how sorrow softens with time. 

They speak with the steady, comforting tone of mothers who have walked through deep loss and found ways—grounded in faith, ritual, and friendship—to live and love again. 

A Place to Gather: Retreats and River Vigils

Julie opens with a promise: Good Grief Believer is creating a space in northern Idaho—a river retreat—for people to gather, remember, and be held. Chris describes Deep Waters bereavement vigils held at the river: intimate gatherings for pregnancy and infant loss where people write names or wishes on biodegradable seed paper and release them into the water. These small public mourning rituals—gentle, visual, and sacramental—help people feel seen and connected. Daree notes how powerful it is to sit with others at different points on the grief path: newer mourners learn from those further out, and those further out find meaning in serving as witnesses. For anyone searching for grief support or a memorial vigil, these retreats model how place-based ritual can comfort and create community.

The Value of a Grief‑Seasoned Friend

A central theme of the conversation is the pastoral, practical value of friends who have walked a similar road. Daree’s story—miscarriages, a missed miscarriage, twin loss, and the death of baby Oliver—shaped her as an open grief educator. Chris shares how Daree’s candidness and experience guided her when she learned her baby Emily had trisomy 18. Daree didn’t sugarcoat the hard parts; she offered concrete resources (like Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep photographers), suggested what to expect in the hospital, and helped plan memory‑making moments. That kind of grief coaching—patient, informed, compassionate—became a lifeline. This is a powerful reminder that grief support need not be only formal counseling; informed friendship often provides exactly the practical and emotional scaffolding a grieving parent needs.

Grief Seasons: Anticipate, Honor, and Move Through

Daree describes a “grief season” she lives into each year: October through mid‑January, culminating near Oliver’s anniversary. She treats it like hibernation—anticipating heavier days, saying no to extra obligations, and giving herself permission to feel. That seasonal approach helps prevent suppressed mourning from stretching indefinitely. Chris and Julie resonate: holidays concentrate memory and loss, and anniversaries and milestone dates may trigger unexpected waves of sorrow. For many, framing grief in seasons—rather than as a failure to “get over it”—is a healthy strategy for grieving well and honoring both one’s own needs and family responsibilities.

Traditions: Keep, Change, or Let Them Go

The trio talks frankly about memorial traditions. Chris shares the “stocking project” she began after Emily’s death—asking friends and family to write letters placed in a stocking on Christmas morning. The letters became treasured proof that people remembered and grieved with them. Yet Chris also describes the slow realization that some rituals stop serving. By the third year, soliciting letters felt stressful, and fewer people participated; she let the tradition go. Daree also stopped running an enormous March of Dimes event after organizational changes and recognized the freedom in releasing a ritual that no longer served her healing. Their wisdom: choose memorial traditions that sustain you, but be willing to revise or relinquish them when they become burdensome. Letting go can be an act of grace, not betrayal.

Practical Ways to Honor Memory During the Holidays

They offer simple, accessible ideas for including a lost loved one in holiday observances without being overwhelmed:

• Create a small private ritual—read letters, light a candle, or take a quiet walk at dusk.
• Keep a dedicated memory space—a special tree, an ornament, or a stocking—for the person who died.
• Use biodegradable tokens (seed hearts) or water‑releasing rituals that feel both symbolic and restorative.
• Ask friends for practical help and name needs plainly—whether company, a casserole, or quiet time.
• Include children gently; age‑appropriate memorial acts teach grief as part of family life.

These are small acts of mourning ritual that function as anchors—helpful for anyone searching for holiday grief ideas or ways to cope with loss.

Sneaker Waves: Expect the Unexpected

Chris describes an experience many mourners will recognize: the “sneaker wave” of grief that hits when a calendar boundary changes. At midnight on New Year’s she felt a sudden crush of sorrow as the year that contained her daughter’s life ended. Such temporal triggers—anniversaries, holidays, a song—can arrive when you least expect them. Their counsel: prepare gently (have a quiet plan or an escape route), be kind to yourself when upset, and know that such waves lessen in intensity with time.

The Freedom of Saying No and Letting Go

Both women stress boundaries. Grief may require saying no to holiday parties, social pressure, or high‑energy events. Daree learned to say no and to reserve time for her internal season of sorrow so the grief would not unduly extend. Julie shares how moving homes years after her loss became a process of timing—she allowed herself to arrive at that decision slowly and only when she felt ready. The takeaway: grief is personal, and honoring your timing is a spiritual discipline that invites healing.

Faith, Hope, and the Practical Work of Mourning

Throughout the conversation their Christian faith is the soft center of their message. Belief in resurrection and reunion does not erase the ache but offers a wider story in which sorrow makes sense. Julie speaks of learning hope from friends who had survived grief and were still joyful; that witness made her believe she could live again. Faith becomes actionable when it teams with ritual, community, and honesty—when prayer accompanies practical grief work and when hope walks hand in hand with weeping.

Gentle Counsel for the Newly Bereaved

For listeners who are newly bereaved, their invitations are tender and practical:

• Expect sneaker waves—anniversaries and New Year’s may surprise you.
• Allow seasonal withdrawal; it’s okay to say no.
• Choose small, steady rituals that help you remember without overwhelming you.
• Find people who’ve been there—experienced companions offer guidance that matters.
• Take moments of hope: breathe, take one minute at a time, and let community hold you. 

Conclusion: Grief Is a Path Toward New Hope

Julie, Daree, and Chris close with a maternal, hopeful message: grief does not have to be a life sentence of darkness. Over time the sharpness of pain dulls, traditions shift, and new life emerges. Community, honest sharing, and small mourning rituals help that change happen. If the holidays feel heavy this year, their advice is simple and compassionate: reach out, plan a small ritual that feels right, allow yourself seasons of retreat, and remember the promise of hope. 

For those wanting community, Good Grief Believer invites listeners to connect: email [email protected] to learn about retreats and gatherings. May the coming year hold gentle surprises of peace, and may each tender step forward be a small answer to prayer.