My Grief is Not Like Yours

Ep. 048 with Theo Boyd

In a recent episode of Good Grief Believer, host Julie Craig engages in a heartfelt conversation with author Theo Boyd, who shares her profound journey through grief after losing both her parents. Theo's book, My Grief is Not Like Yours, offers invaluable insights into the complexities of personal loss and the healing process.

The Unique Journey of Theo Boyd

Theo starts by sharing her unique name, a combination of Thelma and Elizabeth, which reflects her individuality. Growing up in Whitney, Texas, she was known for her spirited personality and love for writing. Theo’s early experiences were shaped significantly by her father, a preacher and farmer, and her mother, who, despite losing her hearing at a young age, was an incredibly present and loving figure in her life.

Her father founded a Bible church, where he was well-respected for his engaging sermons and compassionate nature. Theo recalls her mother as a remarkable woman who communicated with love and understanding despite her challenges. This nurturing environment provided Theo with a strong foundation, equipping her to navigate the trials life would later present.

The Impact of Loss

The conversation takes a poignant turn as Theo recounts the tragic loss of her mother. In a heartbreaking accident, her father accidentally ran over her mother with a tractor, leading to an instantaneous loss that shattered Theo’s world. She describes the chaos that followed, highlighting her father’s inconsolable grief and her determination to support him during this difficult time.

Theo emphasizes the importance of acknowledging grief. She believes that unaddressed grief can manifest in harmful ways, echoing the sentiment, “If you do not deal with your grief, it will deal with you.” This truth resonated deeply with her as she faced not only the loss of her mother but also the betrayal of her husband during her time of mourning.

Understanding Complicated Grief

The discussion shifts to the concept of complicated grief, which Theo defines as an overwhelming and consuming form of grief that can occur after sudden or traumatic losses. Unlike regular grief, where individuals can still function, complicated grief can leave people feeling disoriented and unable to cope. Theo shares her personal struggles with this type of grief, illustrating how it can disrupt daily life.

In her journey, Theo sought counseling, which became an essential part of her healing process. Her therapist, Gail, provided valuable support, helping her navigate her emotions and offering the necessary tools to manage her grief. Theo underscores the importance of speaking to a trained professional, advocating for mental health resources as vital for those experiencing loss.

Honoring a Legacy

Throughout the episode, Theo reflects on her parents’ legacy and the impact they had on their community. Their kindness and engagement with others left a lasting impression, as evidenced by the outpouring of love during her mother’s funeral. Theo encourages listeners to consider their own legacies and the ways they impact those around them.

She challenges everyone to think about how they will be remembered, emphasizing the importance of compassion and connection. By actively engaging with others, we can create meaningful relationships that transcend our time on Earth.

Finding Purpose in Pain

Theo’s journey through grief ultimately led her to a new purpose: writing. Initially hesitant to continue her book after her father’s death, she found that writing became a powerful outlet for her emotions. Her experiences inspired her to weave both of her parents’ stories into her narrative, reinforcing that they were inseparable in life and in her heart.

She discusses the need to acknowledge all feelings associated with grief, including sadness, anger, and joy. These emotions coexist and shape the grieving process, offering a fuller understanding of what it means to heal. Theo’s insights resonate with many, highlighting the struggle of balancing grief with the desire to honor loved ones.

The Importance of Presence

A key theme in the episode is the significance of being present for oneself and others during times of grief. Theo believes that simply showing up—whether for oneself or for others—can be a profound act of kindness. She recalls moments when friends and family would simply sit with her, offering companionship without the need for words. This concept of "being" rather than "doing" is a powerful reminder that sometimes, just existing alongside someone in pain can provide immense comfort.

Theo also advocates for societal change regarding how grief is perceived and supported. She emphasizes the need for greater understanding and compassion toward those who are grieving, as many people feel isolated in their sorrow. By fostering environments where emotions can be openly shared, we can create a culture of support and healing.

Conclusion: Embracing Grief as Part of Life

In closing, the conversation between Julie and Theo is filled with warmth, wisdom, and encouragement. They reflect on the complexities of grief and the resilience that can emerge from it. Theo’s journey serves as a reminder that while grief is deeply personal, it can also connect us to one another in meaningful ways.

Her upcoming book, Hope All the Way, promises to explore the signs she has received from her parents and God since their passing, offering hope and inspiration to those navigating their own grief journeys. Theo's commitment to sharing her story and helping others through their pain highlights the transformative power of love, connection, and understanding in the face of loss.

In this episode, Theo Boyd’s insights into grief emphasize that while the journey may be difficult, it can lead to profound growth and deeper connections with others. By acknowledging our emotions and supporting one another, we can navigate the complexities of grief together, finding hope and healing along the way.