My Daughter Lives in Heaven

Ep. 046 with Heidi Folsom

In the latest episode of the Good Grief Believer podcast, host Chris Frazier invites Heidi Folsom to share her heartfelt journey of navigating grief after the loss of her youngest daughter, Zion Emma. This touching conversation offers valuable insights into the complexities of grief, the importance of faith, and the power of remembering loved ones.

A Precious Life Remembered

Heidi begins by sharing her background, highlighting her roots in Draper, Utah, before moving to Spokane, Washington, where she has built a life with her husband and their six children. Zion, her youngest daughter, was born with an extra copy of her 18th chromosome, which made her a source of pure joy and light in Heidi's life. Tragically, Zion passed away at just three and a half years old, leaving a profound void in her family.

As the conversation unfolds, Heidi reflects on the bittersweet nature of Zion's recent birthday. It marked a poignant moment in their family's journey—Zion had officially been gone longer than she had lived. To honor her memory, Heidi and her family have created meaningful traditions, such as donating stuffed animals to the hospital where Zion received care. They celebrate her birthday with cake and singing, ensuring that her spirit continues to shine brightly in their lives.

The Struggle of Faith and Community

Heidi candidly discusses the early days following Zion’s death, revealing the struggles she faced within her church community. Many well-meaning friends attempted to comfort her by suggesting that Zion was now in heaven and everything was fine. However, Heidi felt far from fine. This disconnect exacerbated her grief, making it difficult for her to engage fully with her faith during such a challenging time.

Despite the challenges she faced, Heidi found unexpected support in her gym friends. They offered genuine empathy, allowing her to express her emotions without the pressure to feel better immediately. This support proved invaluable, as Heidi often felt isolated after the initial wave of assistance faded. The loneliness of grief can be overwhelming, especially when it seems like everyone else is moving forward while one is still grappling with profound loss.

Public vs. Private Grief

The podcast explores the theme of public versus private grief, a topic that resonates with many who have experienced loss. Heidi emphasizes that while she felt pressure to appear okay in public, her internal struggles often told a different story. When asked how she was doing, she would respond honestly, saying, “I’m not okay today.” This candor often left others unsure of how to react, highlighting the discomfort many feel when confronted with someone else's grief.

Heidi expresses her deep-seated fears of forgetting Zion, emphasizing the importance of sharing memories with others to keep her daughter’s spirit alive. Friends who took the time to remember Zion and share their own experiences helped alleviate some of that fear. By recounting stories, they ensured that Zion's life and joy were not forgotten, creating a community of remembrance and love.

Navigating Triggers and Unexpected Emotions

Heidi discusses the unpredictable nature of grief triggers. Sometimes, a simple moment—like playing with other children or seeing a butterfly—can prompt an overwhelming wave of emotion. There are days when she feels strong and able to engage with life, and others when the weight of loss feels too heavy to bear. These fluctuations in emotion are a natural part of the grieving process and can be difficult to navigate.

Heidi also explores the impact of well-meaning but often unhelpful comments from others. Many people offered reassurances that Zion was in a better place, but these words often felt dismissive of her pain. Heidi emphasizes the need for those in grief to have their feelings validated, rather than minimized. The most supportive responses came from those who acknowledged her sorrow and simply offered their presence.

The Healing Power of Creative Outlets

As the conversation progresses, Heidi discusses the importance of creative expression in her healing journey. She began sewing blankets for hospitals in Zion’s memory, attaching tags that read “Snuggles in memory of Zion Emma.” This act serves as a dual tribute: honoring her daughter while providing comfort to other families in need. Through this creative outlet, Heidi finds solace and a sense of purpose, allowing her to channel her grief into something meaningful.

Heidi reflects on how this act of kindness not only honors Zion but also helps her cope with the overwhelming emotions that accompany loss. Each blanket she creates serves as a reminder of her daughter’s light, ensuring that her memory continues to shine brightly in the lives of others.

The Transformation of Grief

Heidi shares how her experiences have transformed her perspective on life and compassion. She feels more empathetic towards others, recognizing that everyone carries their own burdens. This newfound understanding encourages her to live each day as a gift, inspiring her to love bigger and grumble less. The journey through grief, she notes, has deepened her appreciation for life and the connections she shares with others.

As the episode comes to a close, Heidi reflects on what it means to grieve well. She believes that grieving well involves allowing oneself the grace to have bad days and to express those feelings openly. It is about embracing the tears and leaning on others for support. Heidi acknowledges that healing takes time, and while the intensity of grief may lessen, the love for her daughter remains ever-present.

The Coexistence of Joy and Sorrow

One of the most profound lessons Heidi learned through her journey is that joy and sorrow can coexist. She explains that it is possible to feel joy while celebrating milestones with her living children, even when the absence of Zion looms large. This duality is a testament to the complexity of human emotions and the enduring love a mother has for her child.

Heidi encourages listeners to embrace their own grief journeys, reminding them that it is okay to not be okay. The conversation between Chris and Heidi serves as a powerful reminder of the resilience of the human spirit and the importance of supporting one another through the shared experience of loss.

Conclusion: A Journey of Love, Loss, and Hope

In this touching episode of Good Grief Believer, Heidi Folsom’s story inspires listeners to honor their loved ones while navigating the difficult waters of grief. By sharing her experiences, she highlights the importance of community, creativity, and compassion in the healing process. For those who have faced similar losses, Heidi’s journey offers a beacon of hope, illustrating that while grief is a lifelong journey, it can also be a path to deeper understanding and connection.

As listeners reflect on this episode, they are reminded that grief is not just an endpoint but a journey filled with love, memories, and the promise of healing. Heidi’s story exemplifies the strength of a mother’s love and the enduring impact of a child’s light, encouraging others to find their own ways to honor and remember those they have lost.