My Brother’s Keepers

Ep. 056 with Sarah Nicholes

In a touching episode of the Good Grief Believer podcast, host Julie Craig invites her niece, Sarah Nicholes, to share her journey through the complexities of family dynamics, disability, and grief. As they approach Grief Awareness Day on August 30th, Sarah reflects on her experiences and how she has learned to remain hopeful and positive despite the challenges she faces.

Sarah Nicholes’ Background

Sarah Nicholes was born in Portland, Oregon, in 1995, but she grew up primarily in Northern Idaho, near Coeur d'Alene. As the middle child in a family with two brothers, Sarah quickly learned about the unique dynamics that can shape a family. With a passion for the arts, she pursued a degree in theater studies with a performance emphasis from Brigham Young University-Idaho. At 21, she embarked on a full-time mission for her church in New Mexico, an experience that enriched her understanding of service and community.

Now residing in Twin Falls, Idaho, Sarah reflects on her journey, recognizing the importance of family and the lessons learned along the way. Her story serves as an inspiration for those navigating their own experiences with grief and loss.

Growing Up with Unique Challenges

One of the most significant aspects of Sarah's upbringing was her mother’s legal blindness and her brothers' disabilities. Sarah describes how she became aware of these differences at a young age, but they were not a source of embarrassment or shame. Instead, they shaped her understanding of empathy and resilience.

Sarah’s mother was diagnosed with macular degeneration early in her marriage, leading to a gradual decline in her vision. Sarah recalls growing up with the awareness that her mother needed extra help but emphasizes that this was simply part of their family dynamic. As her mother's eyesight worsened, Sarah found herself taking on more responsibilities, learning to navigate the complexities of family life.

The Impact of Disability on Family Dynamics

Sarah’s older brother was diagnosed with autism in sixth grade, while her younger brother exhibited significant ADHD symptoms. This unique family structure prompted Sarah to reflect on how she perceived her siblings and how others viewed them. She often felt the pressure to be the "normal" child, even though her parents never explicitly placed that expectation on her.

This internal struggle led Sarah to take on the role of the "good" child, which ultimately shaped her identity. Despite the chaos that sometimes surrounded her, Sarah's childhood was filled with love and support. Her parents made a conscious effort to ensure that she felt valued, often spending quality time with her to reinforce that she was just as important as her brothers.

Navigating Grief and Acceptance

As Sarah grew older, she grappled with the reality that her brothers would never be “normal” in the conventional sense. This realization brought feelings of grief, not just for her brothers but for the life she envisioned for herself.

Sarah candidly discusses her struggles with faith and the feelings of anger that arose when her prayers for her family went unanswered. Initially, she found it difficult to understand why God would allow her loved ones to suffer. However, through her journey, Sarah has learned to trust in God's timing and wisdom.

Her faith allows her to navigate her emotions, fostering a sense of hope and acceptance. She acknowledges that while it is natural to feel anger and frustration, it is essential to find peace in the knowledge that God’s plan is greater than her understanding.

The Role of Faith in Coping with Grief

Throughout their conversation, Sarah highlights the significance of her faith as a source of strength. She likens her grief to a small child, illustrating her approach as one of compassion and understanding. This imagery allows her to acknowledge her feelings without judgment, creating a safe space for her emotions.

Sarah draws parallels between her experiences and those of Jesus Christ, noting that He, too, faced unimaginable grief. She finds solace in the understanding that Christ knows what it means to endure trials and unanswered prayers. This connection helps her navigate her grief with a sense of purpose and hope.

The Importance of Open Communication

Julie and Sarah discuss the importance of open communication within families, especially when dealing with grief. Sarah expresses gratitude for her parents’ willingness to discuss difficult emotions without judgment. This supportive environment has enabled her to process her feelings and navigate her grief more effectively.

Sarah emphasizes that while grief may manifest as anger or frustration, it is essential to understand the root of those emotions. She encourages families to communicate openly about their struggles, as doing so can foster deeper connections and promote healing.

Looking Beyond Social Expectations

As Sarah reflects on her journey, she grapples with societal pressures to achieve certain milestones by specific ages. Turning 30 prompted her to reassess her life and the expectations she had placed on herself. While she celebrates her friends' accomplishments, she grapples with feelings of inadequacy and the fear of falling behind.

However, she has come to recognize that everyone’s path is unique and that there is no universal timeline for success. Sarah encourages others to embrace their individuality and to focus on personal growth rather than comparing themselves to others.

Finding Peace in the Present

Sarah's insights remind us that life is not solely about achievements but also about the experiences that shape who we are. She emphasizes the importance of being present and finding joy in everyday moments, even amidst uncertainty.

By cultivating gratitude for the blessings in her life, Sarah has learned to appreciate the journey rather than fixate on the destination. She understands that the trials she faces are opportunities for growth and greater empathy, both for herself and for others.

Conclusion

The conversation between Sarah Nicholes and Julie Craig serves as a helpful reminder of the complexities of grief and the importance of community, support, and faith. Sarah’s journey illustrates that while grief may come in many forms, it is possible to navigate it with grace and resilience.

As Grief Awareness Day approaches, may we all take a moment to reflect on our experiences with loss and to extend kindness and compassion to those around us. Sarah’s story is a testament to the power of hope, the importance of open communication, and the enduring strength of family bonds. In embracing our grief, we can find healing and the courage to move forward, strengthening our relationships with those we love.