Embracing Mortality

Ep. 054 with Dr. Cynthia Pan

In a heartfelt conversation hosted by Julie Craig on the Good Grief Believer podcast, Dr. Cynthia Pan, an expert in hospice and palliative care, and Breanna Olson, a former ballerina facing the challenges of ALS, come together to share their wisdom. Their discussion is a poignant reminder of the importance of compassion, understanding, and open communication when navigating end-of-life issues and the journey of grief.

Dr. Cynthia Pan's Background

Dr. Cynthia Pan's journey began in Taiwan, where she was born, before moving to Latin America and eventually settling in Queens, New York. In a community renowned for its diversity, Dr. Pan offers her medical expertise in hospice and palliative care, blending compassion with humor to support families through difficult times. Her book, Exit Strategies: Living Lessons from Dying People, encapsulates the lessons learned from her patients, emphasizing that end-of-life conversations should be a natural part of life.

Dr. Pan highlights a crucial truth: "End of life is still part of life." This perspective is particularly relevant to those grappling with grief, as it encourages individuals to confront their fears and embrace the natural cycle of life and death. Her work during the COVID-19 pandemic further underscored the necessity of human connection and care, reminding us that we are all responsible for one another.

Breanna Olson's Journey with ALS

Breanna Olson's journey has been profoundly shaped by her diagnosis of ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig's disease. Once a vibrant ballet dancer, Breanna now faces each day with resilience and grace. She shares how her focus has shifted from her previous career to cherishing simple pleasures: enjoying the beauty of nature and nurturing relationships with her caregivers.

In her reflections, Breanna emphasizes the importance of appreciating life's small joys, such as sipping tea or tending to her flowers. She acknowledges that these simple acts provide peace and comfort amidst the challenges she faces. Breanna's story serves as a powerful reminder that even in the most difficult circumstances, moments of beauty and connection can be found.

The Importance of Perspective in Grief and Illness

Dr. Pan and Breanna explore the complexities of grief and how illness can alter one’s perspective on life. Dr. Pan notes that healthy individuals often struggle to comprehend the challenges faced by those with chronic illnesses. The conversation invites listeners to recognize that the experience of illness can profoundly change how one perceives and values life.

As Breanna shares her insights, she echoes Dr. Pan’s sentiment that slowing down allows for a deeper appreciation of life’s simple pleasures. This shift in perspective can lead to a more fulfilling existence, even amidst the sorrow of impending loss.

Cultural Perspectives on Death and Dying

One of the most enlightening aspects of Dr. Pan's insights is her discussion of cultural attitudes toward death and advanced care planning. She explains that Western cultures tend to focus on future planning, while Asian cultures often look to the past, and Latino cultures emphasize living in the present. These cultural differences impact how families approach conversations about end-of-life care, making it essential for healthcare providers to navigate these discussions with sensitivity and understanding.

Dr. Pan highlights that advanced directives, while crucial, are often underutilized in various cultural contexts. She encourages individuals to embrace these conversations, as they can alleviate burdens on families during difficult times. Breanna, coming from the ALS community, shares that discussions about advanced care are common and necessary, allowing individuals to express their wishes clearly.

Advanced Directives and Palliative Care

The importance of advanced directives cannot be overstated. Dr. Pan and Breanna both emphasize how these documents can ensure that individuals’ wishes regarding end-of-life care are respected. Breanna recounts how her involvement in the ALS community made it easier for her to discuss her preferences, highlighting the value of shared experiences in fostering open communication.

Dr. Pan notes that palliative care is often misunderstood and underappreciated in the healthcare system. Breanna expresses gratitude for her palliative care doctor, who prioritizes her well-being by asking meaningful questions about her life and values. This supportive approach contrasts with the more traditional medical practices that may overlook the emotional and spiritual aspects of care.

Language and Communication in Medicine

A significant theme in their conversation is the power of language in healthcare. Dr. Pan critiques the use of battle metaphors, such as "losing the battle with cancer," which can diminish a patient's experience and resilience. Instead, she advocates for compassionate communication that acknowledges the complexity of each patient's journey.

Breanna shares her experiences with hope-diminishing language from healthcare providers and emphasizes the importance of uplifting words that promote a positive outlook. By choosing language that fosters hope, healthcare professionals can significantly impact their patients’ emotional well-being.

Grieving Well and Emotional Resilience

As the conversation shifts to the nature of grief, Breanna reflects on what it means to grieve well. She emphasizes the importance of expressing love and affection, even during difficult moments. Dr. Pan agrees, noting that grieving is a deeply personal journey, and each individual experiences it differently.

Breanna reminds listeners that it’s essential not to put pressure on oneself to grieve in a specific way. Instead, she suggests that the ability to share love, even amidst tears, is a sign of healthy grieving. Dr. Pan echoes this sentiment, sharing an Irish proverb that highlights the enduring nature of love beyond death.

Conclusion

The conversation between Dr. Cynthia Pan and Breanna Olson serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of compassion, understanding, and open communication in navigating life’s most challenging moments. Their insights encourage listeners to embrace the complexities of life and death, recognizing that grief can lead to deeper connections and appreciation for life’s fleeting moments.

In a world that often shies away from discussions about death, Dr. Pan and Breanna model how to approach these conversations with grace and honesty. They inspire others to reflect on their own lives, fostering a greater sense of empathy and understanding for those navigating similar journeys. Ultimately, their dialogue is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the profound connections that can be forged even in the face of adversity.